Guilty Pleasures and Confessions

,

This past year has been the worst and the best year of my life. The only thing I could ever ask of you, was that you would have broken my heart sooner. Losing you was exactly what I needed to find myself again. I watched myself drift away the more I loved you. Throughout the years I became someone else, someone who you would like not someone who I liked. When I “got you back” I realized I didn’t love you like I used to. That loving you hurt.

You taught me how a real man should treat me in all the ways you wronged me. You taught me that there isn’t good in everyone, that some people are just genuinely bad. You taught me that I don’t need toxic people in my life and that I never did, I just settled.

Losing you taught me how to love myself better than I ever did before. Because when you were gone I was left with nothing and no one but myself.

Not everything has been enjoyable getting over you. Losing my job because I was so emotionally unstable after being covered in bruises from you was the start in the chain of unenjoyable events. Hurting other people because I was hurting was never something I even thought I was capable of. But I did. And no matter how much I apologize I can’t change how I acted. Turning to drugs and alcohol, becoming an addict and going through withdrawals and getting clean wasn’t fun at all. But I did it. I survived everything life threw at me and I did it for myself.

Why? Because you broke parts of me I never even knew excited. You took everything I ever thought and flipped it upside down. You gave me a reality check and clarity of what real life is. You made me stronger than I ever knew I was. And I just wish you would have done it sooner. That you would have set me free from the curse of loving you years ago.